Eternal Ice

Exams are finally done. I found out that I hadn't done as bad as I thought. Even though my mind was blank, somehow my hand remembered the right answers... well, at least most of the time it did.

 

So sitting down, I decide to finally watch "The Devil Wears Prada" DVD that I borrowed from a friend some months ago.

 

Grabing some chowder, and a blankie, I popped in the disc and pressed play before settling down on the sofa. It's just another chick flick, but I haven't watched one of those in ages. Watching one now, in the middle of the night, is actually a bit lonely.

 

I watch Anne Hathaway's character, and at the begining, I think, well, she isn't dressed that badly. I really felt like I knew nothing about fashion. Well, it's true, I do know nothing about fashion. I mean, you just have to look at my closet. It's not just last season's clothing, it's more like, prehistoric!

 

*Note to self: must put fashion sense into brain as part of social must haves.*

 

You know, I really do agree with her choices up until she turned away from that job. She was smart, and beautiful, and very resourceful. All she needed was to climb higher before she could take over the top. It's true that they say "the top is lonely" but arent those just people who don't have the ability and don't know how to grab onto the rigth chances to be the best? I mean, who needs friends?

 

Okay, real good friends like those in the movies, yeah. Everyone needs those. But be realistic. How many of those are there? The joke of having someone who's always there for you and such! Oh, that's hardly ever going to come true unless you're hiring that person with money. And even then it's difficult - one in a thousand difficult - to find the perfect employee - and we are not even talking about how much you would have to pay for someone as amazing as that! The person who has the "I shouldn't, that's my friend" ghost haunting them should find an exterminator, AND FAST! Either that or you will soon find out who your friends really are - normal people. They are not some super hero who will come to your rescue, nor will they let you become the road block to their success, so why should you? Besides, even you, the kind, naive, and innocent, are not so wonderful as to put everyone else's problems before your own. Or else, why would you want a friend who'll "always be there for you" in the first place? If such really exists, wouldn't it be you, so wouldn't you BE that friend?

 

However, I think that simple happiness is the only happiness in the end. After all, where will you go after reaching the top? For the you who has been chasing after some goal or other endlessly to suddenly be without one, how would it feel? The aimlessness, and emptiness. And you look, at the girl who has chosen that simple happiness that you gave up, and you think just how brave and courageous she is. To trust after being betrayed, to love after having lost, but most of all, to be able to wear her heart on her sleeves, out in the open, just like that.

 

Isolated, at the very top, you know, that THAT is happiness, and THAT is something you will never have, because you, who chose this path, will always choose this path many times again.

 

Black and white subtitles fill the screen, so I press the eject button. Drained of everything, my head feels lighter and ready for the nothingness that is sleep.

 

//

 

^^ And a good night to my readers!! Well, as usual, you know where to send your comments (not here)! And if you don't start reading from chapter one! Okay, ta ta~

rant rant rant. Dont wanna do homework... so wanna quit school and get a job!!! rant rant rant.

 

I wonder if I'll click publish after this rant...

So frigin bored.... back to grade 3? again or maybe 4... doing stupid art projects for random subjects. and they say it's a country of equality... what equality, the poor pple who suck at/dispise visual arts are getting it hard! Man, it 's such a drudge to have to do thiscrap!....

 

 

swear swear swear... &%($&%*($,... rant rant rant,. <--- ran out of complaints since i"ve complained so many times.

 

... the next chapter? if u seriously wanna read it, DON"T BUG ME! ... well, I don't feel like writing it anyways...

 

Be there, show up, you have to do it, continue... Their voices appear around me like chains, forcing me to continue. My body is screaming in agony, I want to stop because everything seems to hurt. My head is ringing, and alarm yelling "STOP" and making my head spin... I'm disoriented, but I can feel the pain. Where? From where? Not my muscles, becaues I cannot feel my limbs... it's only inside my head, this pain... only my imagination.

 

Beads of sweat or tears roll onto my lips... keep on going! ... No matter what, it's life or death, so I must go on. I tried harder to concentrate on the words infront of my face. Not knowing what I've read there, my arm begins to move. My hand writes something onto the paper, and some small voice hopes that it was at least partially correct. Yes, to hope. There's nothing more that it could do.

 

"Put down your pencils. The exam is now over"

 

Sighs of relief resounded through the study hall... it's finally over!

Someone patted me on the shoulder "how did you do?" and then it all came back to me. I felt my arm on my shoulder, tapped my fingers on the desk to test them out, and then looked up at my friend. "uhhh.... I don't know..."

"sheesh. Trying to make me feel better? you definately did well right? don't worry, I'm used to failing these now."

I say nothing. What could I say? That I dont' even remember what the exam was about? that I blanked out? that I would fail too and have her lose all her hope of passing this?... "let's go to Brills" I said, indicating a bar we frequented and stood up.

 

 

hey hey, I'm like reading the last post, and I think I'm going crazy overa the pretty boys!

 

This one's supper cute. He's in East of Eden, in the korean Boys over Flowers, unstoppable high kick and outrageous woman. His new, but his popularity is definately on the rise. Well, that goes with out saying cuz he's 100% cute!

 

Was reading this site... and it said he has baby fat! I was sooo mad! I mean, he's pretty skinny, and if it's his dimples... well them make him look awesome when he smiles. Definately wouldn't wanna loose that. It's like, totally his selling trait. It really makes him look super cute and cuddly. No he's not the sexy type, but it's not like that puts a black mark on him or anything! Cute boys don't need sex appeal cuz that cuteness is the bestest.

 

But know what's the best? He's 20! =P well, he's turning 20 in July, but he's young! I totally want him to stay young foreva!  The 4 princes in F4 who look after the girl? well, if I only have him for a bit, it'd be totally enough! lolz. =3 yeah... he's like, the kinda guy that could get away with sneaking a kiss from any girl =P and I luv his playboy style.

Well okay, that part was due to the shock of seeing an actor from a few years ago... this really cute guy who was in many dramas (yes, you people will probably get it in three guesses) holding a child in his arms! It was a total shock! I mean, a woman holding a kid, and it might not be hers, but a GUY! >.< IT REALLY SEEMED LIKE HIS KID AND IT MADE ME FEEL OLD! well turns out it was for an ad., but still it totally ruined his image in my heart... He had this "I'ma play boy" and "I'm really cute and pretty" image b4 and now it's like... totally smashed. >.> sighz... guess they have to grow up and move on... T.T but I'm still sad.

 

Meow no more. Getting to be late since tomorrow is skool. Luv ya peeps~!

You know, it sounds really nice... to be able to find a man who's warm, and caring, and family oriented. It sounds even better if he really loves me to death and would date me for nine years all the while thinking that he can't marry me because my job is more important than him. But then, I tell him that he's worth sooooo much more to me than work, and propose to him.

The big smile on his face, how he is wordlessly happy, and how he makes love to me afterwards isn't something one could forget in an entire lifetime. With someone like that... who could understand myr selfishness, whom I am willing to compromise with... it sounds like a lot of fun.

If it's someone like that who would share so many beginings with me, like the first time holding our child's hand, the first time they go to school, when we marry off our first child, or when they go away to university or travel overseas to work... if it's someone like that, I would definately anticipate those times. To have someone that I love so much, whom loves me so much, to be beside eachother for an entire lifetime would hardly be enough. If it's someone like that, I would definately want to spend eternity with him.

 

If it's someone like that... If I'm capable of loving someone, and if I am lovable enough... I would definately defeat many obstacles to be with him. So please, give me the chance... let me meet him in this short life time.