I have never started typing on this blog without a title in mind. I have never writting without any idea of what I wll write. But still, as I try harder to think of a topic, as I try harder to come up with something interesting, I was told that I have lost all sense of anything deep in my writing... now, it's all just a rant.

 

It's so obvious.

Don't tell, show

Just write... pick something good in there and develop it.

Know the ending when you start.

Find a goal, and work towards it single mindedly...

 

so much, so many, yet too few. There's not enough sign posts along the way to tell me which way it is that I should go. They tell you to stand on the shoulders of giants, but really, that takes a lot of courage, and a huge leap, lots of climbing and hardships to get on the giant. First of all, I don't even know where the giants really are. Well, I do, but I haven't found a path to take me up to them yet.

 

Make your own path...

 

My path finder is gone. My beakon dark, and no longer lighting the way. What am I to do? The one whom I had spend the most time on, training, helping, preparing for the day where that one would be able to give me a lift up... all wasted.

 

ahahahaha... I think that this is the most fake blog of all time...

In here, nothing is real, nothing is apparent... and I think that the most realistic of all this these two lines...

Even the image of "I " here is far from myself. The image of my friends... I think that was more like a dream than reality... What I have dreamed of... what I wanted more than anything else. The ideal, obedient, useful, loyal. But I am no trainer of giants, so I cannot hope to stand upon their shoulders and take command from there. but I could hope to become a giant, below one, and above all the others. I  think... that shall be enough for me. To stand on the shoulder of giants... to train them, keep them in chekc.... that is too much responsibility for any comfortable life.

 

What I want, is carelessness... to have nothign to worry about, nothing to have to think about... to come home from work and have silence and maybe a cat to keep me company. ha! you think I'm like an old lady. Tis true. I want peace although I do not bring much of it myself. Although I get caught up in the moment everytime, I regret it later each and eveyrtime. alhtough I smile and laugh, at first pretending, then really laughing just by instinct that I am expected to, I feel tired after wards... tired and drained.

 

Maybe...

Perhaps I was born old...

born for death.

No, it's not about my randomness. I'm not ranting about things off the top of my head.

Actually, it's something that happened to me.

 

So basically, I just walk out the door, dressed not so casually but not so formal either. And here he comes, clings to my leg and says, "Big sister, play with me"

It's this little boy I've never seen before, and here I thought I knew everyone on the street.

Well, it turns out the little boy just moved in next door. He looks to be three or four, yet his mother leaves him to go where he wishes. To me, this sounded like lots of trouble because well, this boy I just found in my garden is clinging onto my leg, asking me to play with him, and REALLY heavy. So heavy that I couldn't move my leg so as to shake him off. I was going to be late for my appointment. What else do I do besides pick him up and go tell his mother to watch her child in case he makes trouble for other people. I was really angry and felt totally unlucky to get new neighbours that are so irresponsible.

Anyways, so I picked up the kid and sat him on my arm. And he smiles sooo sweetly, kisses me on the cheek, and holds on to my neck. How can you be mad at a kid like that right? and so he asks me "won't you tell me a story?" in his little stuttering voice.

Yell at his mother? I probably wanted to kidnap this kid at this point. So I told him one of those stories that are like, five minutes long. This kid is just full of surprises... in the five minutes of resting his head on my shoulder and listening to me, he'd fallen asleep... I was totally like, "thank goodness" and left him just inside his house to sleep on the carpet. Don't take me wrong, I ran the door bell and his mother wasn't even home, so I went in since the door wasn't locked.

 

It was a close call. If the kid hadn't fallen asleep I definately would have missed my apointment.

When I got home, I told his mother about it. And she was like, really REALLY surprised because she didn't think he'd be able to even open the front door by himself. Well, he got scolded and I guess grounded as well because I haven't seen him since... although I haven't gone out a lot recently.

 

I wonder if I was lucky or if my luck is just rotten and abandoned me. lolz

 

Okays, that's not the end. When I finally meet up with the boys, we go down to business and began planning ... well, stuff.

And out of no where, we got to... "Ari, you're really cute" and I was like... okay, well, that's off topic. And poke came this finger... while I'm trying to work. I guess it got kinda hopeless after a while because I got more childish and lost my commanding presence. Later, I realized it was all a plot to get out of working... grrr. So I ended up getting all of them wet and they went home like dripping puppies. and guess what? I still had ALLL the paper work to do.

 

I guess luck abandoned me after all.

 

So I stayed at the caffe until I finished... and ended up falling asleep on the damned buss on the way home, missed the stop. WAsted an extra ticket getting back home, and got scolded because I got home too late. There's way more randomness in this day then I've had in a long time!

 

Phewf. I'm just happy it's over! ^^